Satan 2: Sex, Sentiment, and Wonder.

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In the performance of lesser magic, a witch or warlock must honestly appraise his or her strengths and how best to use them. Because a substantial portion of my Satanic worldview has been influenced by what Dr. LaVey wrote in the Satanic Bible as well as the Satanic Witch, I accept the three categories of lesser magic he described: sex, sentiment, or wonder.

The first category is sex, and that is raw, sexual attraction. By means of appearance, behavior, manners, and so on, the sitter is attracted with either overt sexual appeal or sexual tension. The sexual urge is a primary motivator for both men and women, and while men and women experience sexual attraction differently (read both The Satanic Witch and The Satanic Warlock for more on this discussion), it is still a key which will fit every lock. It's easy to assume that only young witches and warlocks may employ the power of sex, but remember that sexual attraction and manipulation isn't a game solely for the young—when packaged appropriately, this is a strategy that never grows old.

The second category is sentiment, and this is the appeal made to non-sexual emotion. Sentiment is the hook which sinks deeply into nostalgia, comfort, and the sitter's desire to be sheltered from the challenges of the world. While the power of sexual manipulation benefits from youth, the power of sentiment benefits from maturity. It's not impossible for a young witch or warlock to employ sentiment against his or her sitters, but the successful application of sentiment encourages the sitter to relax into the witch's or warlock's wisdom, and such wisdom is typically attained only by age.

The third category is wonder. Have you ever heard of Ivan the Terrible? Many people assume "Terrible" to mean “cruel,” but the original word is closer to "awesome." The witch or warlock who employs wonder in the performance of lesser magic uses his or her appearance, mannerisms, and self-portrayal to be somebody who inspires fear, awe, admiration, and even terror. It can be difficult to understand how it benefits the witch or warlock to inspire fear in his or her sitters, but this works in two ways: First, it makes the sitter fear for him or herself if he or she doesn't comply with the witch’s or warlock’s desires. Second, it makes the sitter envious of your perceived power and for this he or she will admire you the same as some will worship gods or autocrats.

Generally speaking, the successful fortune-teller will most often employ a combination of sex and sentiment because they make a very powerful one-two punch against sitters of either gender. Wonder may command people to LOOK, but it won't necessarily compel them to pay—and I'll be honest with you, money is the primary reason I'm doing this.

Regarding sex, sitters of the same gender will envy your perceived accomplishments and access to sexual partners. They will see you as worldly and experienced, envy what you have attained, and hope to acquire it for themselves. Sitters of the opposite gender will perceive you as either an indulgence or a challenge. Those who see you as an indulgence will not shy in their compliments and will make their affection very clear. 

A useful tool I've developed is what I call my “1-800 phone-sex voice,” and believe me when I tell you that it brings the female sitters back again and again. Many of my female sitters have said that my voice oozes confidence and charisma, which is no accident: I put a lot of effort into managing my volume, intonation, and the kinds of words I use when I speak. Those sitters who see me as a challenge will try to ingratiate themselves with me and will hopelessly pursue me in an effort to uncover my secrets and attain membership in my inner circle.

Whether the sitter who attempts to appeal to you through sexual desire sees you as an indulgence or a challenge, though, always make such sitters believe that there's one more secret layer which has yet to be revealed. If you permit such sitters to cross your professional boundaries, they will never pay you another cent for your services. If you want access to their bodies, then you're welcome to claim that consensually given reward, but once you bed a sitter he or she will never ever pay to be deceived ever again. Choose wisely.

Regarding sentiment, this is a talent which all fortune-tellers worthy of the name must cultivate in one degree or another. In many ways, fortune-tellers play the role of the sympathetic confessor, and this requires sitters to feel comfortable enough with the fortune-teller to share their secrets. Even if you don't feel the smallest measure of sympathy for your sitters, you must learn to at least give the appearance that you do. Appeal to your sitters' desires to fall into the arms of a mother, father, grandmother, or grandfather. Indulge your sitters' desires to air their dirty laundry to a priest. If you expect to earn an income as a fortune-teller, you don't have a choice in this matter and absolutely must learn to master the magic of sentiment.

If you're not sure how to start learning sentiment, then you should begin by practicing conversation. I don't personally like small-talk, but I've learned that when I'm a better conversationalist who actively listens, I can discover all kinds of things about people that they wouldn't normally tell me. It's not hard, either: the trick to gaining sitters' confidence is not to be interesting, but to be interested.

Excepting my immediate family and closest friends, I don't particularly care to know what's happening in the lives of other people I meet, and if I were a betting man I'd wager that you feel the same way. Just as I'm not particularly interested in the lives of most people I meet, so too are most people I meet just not that interested in my life. See? People have this in common: they'd nearly always prefer to talk about themselves than to listen to somebody else do the same.

The truth is that if you give sitters an opportunity to talk, at least pretend to be interested, ask open-ended questions, really listen to the answer, and then ask more open-ended questions about the answers, your sitters will talk all day. All you need to do is remember the important parts and then apply those details to the narrative of your performance. If you're a skeptical sort of person, you could call this fishing for information, but if you're the practical sort then you could call this understanding the context of the performance.

And believe me or not, but gaining your sitters' trust is 90% of the performance. Once you've gained your sitter's trust and confidence, the rest doesn't matter very much. You might think that part of the trouble is convincing your sitter to the truth of your performance, but you'd be wrong. Can you guess why? Fortune-telling works because the sitter wants it to work. So long as you don't go making predictions about the sitter being nominated for Secretary-General of the United Nations, it's hard to go wrong. If you're still worried that your sitter is going to disbelieve you, then follow one rule: be a shameless flatterer. Everybody is slow to believe the shrew, but everybody is fast to believe the butterfly.

Believe me when I say that it matters not in the slightest if the prediction I provide to a sitter has a displeasing outcome so long as I flatter the sitter's ability to succeed. Everybody knows that life is full of challenges, so never shy away from a challenging predictions because, so long as you accompany it with enough flattery, your sitter will praise your honesty and thank you for "telling it like it is."

So go ahead, you sexy, sentimental, wonderful fortune-teller: let your performance take you where it will, and when things get tough just flatter your sitter until he or she starts throwing money at you. It works every time.