Lucifer 12: Get a Real Job, you Bum!

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A common thread you'll find sewn throughout this work is honesty. It sounds ironic that I speak so much about honesty in a book that was written for the purpose of teaching you to lie, but honesty is really important. It's important to be honest with yourself about your motivations for learning to tell fortunes. It's important to be honest with yourself about the nature of the service that you're actually providing. And finally, it's also important to be honest with yourself about who you really are as a fortune-teller.

Gather 'round, folks: it's story time. Once upon a time in my life, I was a Taekwondo instructor. I earned two black belts, won four state championships, placed fourth in my division at the world championships, and helped my master instructor run three schools and a feeder program at a community center.

One of the perks of that job is that I received professional training in person to person marketing and sales (which Satanists would also call lesser magic), and one of the things I was taught is that professionals deserve professional wages. Our business coach made the argument that full-time martial artists like ourselves deserved professional wages because—just like doctors!—we spent decades learning our trade. So he said, "A doctor goes to school for twelve years and earns $250,000 a year. You've spent how many years in your art, and you're still charging your students $10 a class on a pay-as-you-go basis. Why? You deserve better than that."

According to this business coach, if you've invested the same amount of time into learning how to punch people as a doctor has into learning how to heal people, then it's the same because... years, amirite? In principle, I agree with this man: if I've devoted years of my life to my professional development, then I should absolutely charge a premium for access to that accumulated knowledge. But in practice, I disagree with that man because—let's be honest with ourselves—beating people up is not as valuable of a skill as fixing people up. 

I think that every professional should charge what he or she believes his or her time is worth, and I don't think that there's anything wrong with charging a premium fee for premium services, but I do think that in an absolute sense it’s incorrect to equate a karate teacher with a licensed physician. 

But I also think that if you're a fortune-teller, you should remember that in the grand scheme of things you're not very far removed from a birthday clown. If that hurts your feelings, it shouldn’t: have you seen how much skilled clowns earn to book a party? They might be jokers, but they're earning serious money.

If you're a fortune-teller, then you should absolutely charge what you believe your time is worth and accept your sitters' money along with their gratitude. But you should also keep a healthy ego and remember that compared to police officers, doctors, and even garbage collectors, you don’t contribute a whole lot to the world. If garbage collectors stopped working for a day, people would immediately notice their absence. Can the same be said about you?

It's true that fortune-tellers permit sitters to purge their minds of unwanted anxiety, but fortune-telling is nothing more than sleight of mind. Maintaining a healthy perspective about who you really are is vital to your development as a fortune-teller, and ignoring this reality will become your downfall. Maintain perspective, or suffer the consequences.